The whole “I’m not like other girls” movement should really be called the “I don’t want men to treat me the way they treat other women” movement because that’s what it really is. Women know that a girl who wears makeup is as respectable as a girl who wears none. A girl who’s played every Final Fantasy game is as respectable as a girl who digs Candy Crush. A woman who started her own law firm is as respectable as a single mom who works in the service industry. A girl who enjoys casual sex is as respectable as a girl who has never had her first kiss. A lesbian who has no interest in men is as respectable as a straight girl who loves her boyfriend. A girl who reads People magazine is as respectable as a girl who reads Dostoyevsky.
Women have been extensively shamed for saying “I’m not like other girls” when what they are really saying, maybe without knowing it, is “I’ve heard the way men talk about specific types of women, typically women who do things that they don’t understand or relate to, and I really, really want them to separate me from that and see me as a person who is worthy of being respected.” How much respect a woman gets from men is very rarely indicative of how much she deserves.
“I don’t want you to treat me the way you treat other girls, because you treat other girls like shit.”
"Can I tell you a secret? You don’t have to be in a relationship.
I mean it. I know they force it down your throat until you choke on it. Girls aren’t pretty unless they’re wanted. Boys aren’t men unless they’re having sex with someone. People aren’t lovable until they’re dating someone.
But a relationship won’t always make you happy, and as wonderful as romance is, it isn’t the only love that exists. I have seen friendships that are deeper and more pure than couples who swear it’s forever - and yet the friendship is the one people ignore.
I have heard so often “nobody loves me” out of the mouths of people who are single. And it kills me because if you ask them: where are your parents, your teachers, your classmates, your pets - they say, yes, okay, but it doesn’t count. Of course it counts, love doesn’t diminish just because someone doesn’t want to have sex with you. In fact, doesn’t it sort of make that love more real that they want nothing - not even a date - out of you?
It is pretty to be in love. It’s magical, I’m sure. But it’s also wonderful to stop for ice cream in your prom dress with six other girls. It’s also wonderful to go visit the world with nothing but a bunch of buddies who are really excited about learning.
The problem is: we’ve made everything about “the one”. But maybe “the one” is just you, loving yourself, having fun, and being happy. Maybe instead of looking for our other halves, we should be piecing ourselves together.
Maybe I wasn’t born unfinished. Maybe I am the one who makes myself better."
what i’ve learned is that if you’re gonna engage in a romantic relationship during your young adult years, it damn well better be with someone who makes your insides explode with nothing but positive emotion. someone who takes the time to be kind, patient and understanding, more often than not, and who is as warm with their words as they are with their touch. life is too short to be focused on people who do not have your growth and best interest in mind. the right person will love you in a way that makes you feel completely free and accepted within your own skin. they won’t attempt to hinder your development out of fear or insecurity that your new experiences might lead you into the arms of someone else. good lovers will desire to see your personal success just as much as you do, and they will support and respect your decisions. stay away from people who make you feel guilty about desiring the best for yourself. they don’t love you for you, they love you for what you can provide for them. and that is not love.
I hope that you are able to live life being yourself, being who you truly are and being appreciated for it.
Not being what the fashion industry tell you to, not being what the media wants you to, not being the person society wants you to be, or even the person you try to be when you walk out the house.
Just simply be true to your core, because there’s less hassle that way. You’re more beautiful that way too.
Just try it today, just be you, and see how easy it is. If you lose a few people by being you, know they were never there because of who you are.
things I’ve learned to say to boys:
-you’re not funny
-don’t talk to me like I’m dumb
-I probably know more about this than you do
-don’t fucking talk about her like that
-I’m not comfortable with this
-I don’t owe you anything
-you just repeated exactly what I said
-no
